Normality by funvince

Rating: PG
Genres: Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 18/07/2005
Last Updated: 21/07/2005
Status: Completed

Sometimes, it requires a step back in order to move forward. Harry thinks about his life the
past year and Hermione joins him as they try to rebuild their friendship and get back to
normality.




1. untitled
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**Author's Note:** There's more hope than you realize. I was inspired by
**kyc639**'s words at the end of chapter 2 of *Four's a Crowd* to write this story.
We cannot allow one book to overwhelm the inertia of the five that came before. I still believe in
H/Hr though it might never come to pass. So what? It will exist in our minds and hearts. In the
plane of imagination, all worlds are equally valid. JKR's vision may be the first and foremost
whatever it may be, but that does not make our vision wrong or inferior.

I hope I will be forgiven for borrowing the phrase from the remarkable author stated above:

`eternal optimism in the face of overwhelming odds is my specialty.'

>-<

Harry sat in the Gryffindor common room staring at the flames in the fireplace.

In the morning, he would go to the others with the Burrow and prepare for Bill and Fleur's
wedding. Normally such an event would take months to plan, but in these trying times, luxuries such
as time could not be afforded.

He was glad of that, in a way. He wanted to see at one happy event, one sign of what it was he
was fighting for before he left on his quest to defeat Voldemort.

Harry snorted quietly to himself. The thought was amusing in an
if-I-don't-laugh-I'll-cry kind of way. He may have been more skilled than the average
wizard, but he knew, deep down, that he didn't have a chance in hell.

He had always imagined that the final confrontation would happen when he was out of Hogwarts and
that at the very least Dumbledore would alongside him. The old headmaster hadn't even taught
him any new spells or started his Occlumency training again. Perhaps his mentor... his friend...
had simply expected there would be more time.

But he didn't want to think about Dumbledore. Doing so would mean thinking about Snape, and
if he started thinking about the traitor, the man who had caused old Dumbledore's heart to
break before his very eyes...

Tears formed in his eyes, but they did not fall. How could such a smart man been so foolish?
Even Voldemort considered the possibility that Snape was a traitor to his side! Was he just
supposed to believe that Dumbledore never had second thoughts and believed Snape without question?
There has to be more to it than that!

He hated thinking of Dumbledore as a blind fool, but what was the alternative? He wanted there
to be a really good reason that he trusted Snape absolutely, an ingenious method that pulled the
wool over his eyes. Or perhaps he just couldn't bear to think of the wizard as merely
human.

For hours, Harry sat and thought about his life. He would be leaving Hogwarts soon and in doing
that, leaving his friends, his home, and his reasons for existing. No, that wasn't quite true.
Ron and Hermione would be with him. And as much as he would have liked for them to be safe and far
away from him, he was gladder than he could ever say that they would be with him.

He could do anything as long as they were all together.

This thought caused Harry to bite his lip in thought. But what about Ginny? Shouldn't her
support matter to him as well?

It was this thinking that he had been trying to avoid for most of the night. He had broken up
with her to keep her safe, and it had hurt. It had hurt very much.

But it hadn't hurt as much as he would have thought.

And he thought he knew why.

*It's been like... like something out of someone else's life, these last few weeks
with you. But I can't... we can't... I've got things to do alone now.*

The last part was no longer true. He wouldn't be alone. Ron and Hermione had shown him that
it would be stupid to leave them out. They were just as much in danger even if they didn't come
along.

So why hadn't he asked Ginny to join him?

He wanted to say that it was because she was too young, too inexperienced, or that he cared
about her too much. These reasons were all true, but the bigger truth was... she really wasn't
a part of his life. His *real* life.

*...something out of someone else's life...*

With Ginny, he didn't have to think about Sirius, or the prophecy, or Voldemort. He
wasn't the Boy-Who-Lived or the `Chosen One' or whatever idiotic thing the *Daily*
*Prophet* was calling him these days.

He had told Hermione and Ron about the prophecy, his suspicions of Malfoy, and the details of
Tom Riddle's life. He hadn't told any of that to Ginny though she more than many others
would have been interested in the history of Tom Marvolo Riddle.

But he hadn't told her because he didn't want her to be involved in that part of his
life. She was supposed to be there for him to talk about Quidditch, to go on Hogsmeade trips with,
and to sit around and make dumb jokes with.

Ginny offered normality.

The problem was that he wasn't being himself. He *wasn't* normal. Oh, he could be
as lighthearted and carefree as any ordinary boy, but as much as he hated to admit it, his scar and
his destiny was just as much a part of him as his love for flying.

And as much as he liked Ginny, he didn't feel he could ever share these parts of him with
her or feel that she would understand even if he did.

Harry sagged into the couch as he came to the inevitable conclusion. Ginny would always be his
first real girlfriend (he didn't think Cho really counted), but he didn't see anything
beyond the superficial. He didn't see a real future.

Watching Ginny and Dean together had given him a yearning for something he thought he would
never had, a chance to be free of worry with someone who cared about him. He had gotten it and he
would always treasure that time, but that chapter of his life was over.

The only consoling thought about this emotional mess was that Ginny would probably understand.
She hadn't fought their break-up and she hadn't even asked to come with him even after she
discovered that Hermione and Ron were.

*I knew you wouldn't be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort. Maybe that's why I
like you so much.*

He didn't know what to make of Ginny's words. Was she saying she liked him because he
was a hero? He didn't think that was it. It felt more like she was saying that he wouldn't
be happy being ordinary.

That was absurd. He wasn't *happy* being in danger and having his friends fall left and
right. And Voldemort wouldn't be around forever. What if he actually killed the bastard and
survived? He'd want to be normal, right?

That was the dream.

Then why did he want to be an Auror? To dive into more danger and mayham? Hermione was right. He
did have a `saving people thing.'

Ultimately, that was why the dream could be only a fantasy. For it to come true, he'd had to
stop caring whether people lived or died. He'd have to stop being a hero.

But his dream of a relatively peaceful life didn't have to completely die, did it?
Wasn't there someone out there who could accept every part that made up Harry Potter? Oh
Merlin, he hoped so.

Harry remembered watching Dudley read Spider-Man comics as a child. Dudley would always snicker
about what a loser the crimefighter was for enduring so much misery and despair for total
strangers.

Harry had understood though. Peter Parker may have been miserable some of the time, but he would
have felt worse doing nothing at all. Some people were simply like that.

Perhaps Dumbledore was right. Maybe his ability to care so very much was a power after all.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Harry looked over in surprise to see Hermione sitting on the cushion next to him. He hadn't
even heard her come down.

“Nothing that interesting,” Harry replied.

Hermione gave him a look that combined skepticism with a promise to be unmerciful if she had to
ask again.

“I was thinking that I've been trying very hard not to be myself lately,” Harry said at
last.

There was a pause.

“That makes two of us then,” Hermione said with a deep sigh.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, please. Are you going to tell me that you haven't noticed that I've been acting
like I had multiple personalities all year?”

“You have been a bit touchy this year,” Harry admitted reluctantly.

Hermione grinned. “And you should know, Harry `I'm Going to Treat Everyone Like Crap'
Potter.”

“I wasn't that bad fifth year!” Harry protested.

“Yes, you were,” Hermione said. Then her grin faded. “We've both been jerks.”

“I should have listened to you about the book,” Harry groaned, putting his head into his hands.
“You're almost always right and I refuse to listen anyway. I'm such an idiot.”

“I imagine you might have listened if I hadn't acted like a jealous, snotty brat,” Hermione
replied quietly.

Harry saw her turn her head away from him and something in his chest constricted. “Oh,
Hermione...”

“I was angry at you, Harry. Angry that though you already had enough trouble coming at us, you
had to go out and find some more!” Hermione cried, wiping her eyes. “I was tired of being the
reasonable one, the one who had to tell you not to put your hand in the bear trap. I just wanted to
just pretend that there wasn't a war going on and that the only thing I had to worry about was
NEWTs and being a teenager just for a little while.”

“So you wanted to pretend that you had never met me,” Harry said hollowly.

“No!” Hermione yelled, grabbing his arm. “That wasn't what I meant at all. I just... I
simply... Most girls aren't...” Her shoulders slumped.

“I understand,” Harry said.

“Yeah, I think you do.” Hermione gave a weak chuckle. “I think we're the only teenagers at
Hogwarts to go through a midlife crisis.”

Harry hesitated.

“What is it, Harry?”

“I've been meaning to ask you this, but it's hard to ask without sounding like I'm
calling you a maniac. Uh, what I mean is...” Harry looked nervously at the girl.

“Crazy Hermione is not in right now,” Hermione said wryly. “Please continue before she gets
back.”

Harry grinned and relaxed. “Okay, the whole thing with Ron's been confusing me. I always
thought you liked him, but I never thought you'd help him cheat or try to make him jealous. No
offense.”

Hermione turned pink. “That was rather shameful, wasn't it? Oh, I wish I could explain it. I
never thought I would be one of those girls who'd get so worked up about a boy that she loses
all her marbles. I *knew* going to Parvati for advice about boys was a bad idea!”

“So you guys are together now?” Harry asked hesitantly.

After a long moment, Hermione said, “I think that we'd be better off as friends.”

“Why's that?”

“A relationship has to be more than just feelings. There has to be trust and commitment... All
we do is fight. Ron's not just ready to tie himself down to one girl yet. There's dozens of
reasons. And well, remember when you tricked Ron into thinking he drank Felix Felicis?”

“Yeah?” Harry said uncomfortably.

“What you did to Ron was a great psychological trick.”

Harry stared at her, astounded. “You were mad at me for days about that!”

“Because I didn't think of it! And because... I felt horrible that you seemed to respect
Ron's abilities more than I did. I mean, you helped him access skills you knew he had. *I*
had to cheat for him because I didn't believe he could do it on his own.

“Don't get me wrong. I think Ron's a great guy, but when I'm around him, I'm not
rational. I'm not *me*.”

Harry stared at Hermione for a moment then he said quietly, “And you thought not being you was a
good thing. It felt new and exciting. You could forget about the problems holding you back. You
didn't have to think about S.P.E.W or the D.A or anything like that.”

“I thought that was what I wanted,” Hermione said softly. “I thought I wanted to be normal for a
little bit, but I just felt sad instead. You want to know why I was running around like a chicken
with its head cut off?

“I felt useless. You wouldn't listen to me anymore. Dumbledore was telling you things that
wouldn't be in any library. And, petty as this may sound, you were beating me at the one thing
in my life I was good at without trying.”

“You never had any problem with me beating you at Defense,” Harry said, confused.

“Because you're naturally good at it like you are at flying. But with Potions, you always
had to come to me. Do you know how it feels to be replaced by a book? It was like you made a new
friend to give you all the answers.”

Harry wanted to say something, anything, but comforting sad girls had never been his strong
point.

Hermione stared off into the distance. “I thought chasing after Ron would... oh, I'm so
pathetic.”

Without even thinking about it, Harry wrapped an arm around Hermione. “No, you're not. And
if you are, we both are. I don't need you just to give me answers. I'm sorry if I made you
think that.”

“I'm sorry for how I've been treating you,” Hermione said.

“Why don't we just agree that we still have some growing up to do?”

“I can agree to that.” Hermione held out her hand. “So, friends?”

“Friends,” Harry stated firmly, grabbing her hand back. “I don't study in the library with
just anybody, you know.”

Hermione smiled at him, her lips curving into an expression of happiness that he hadn't
truly seen for some time. Harry saw a girl that he didn't know he had missed so much until he
saw her return just then.

The two spent the rest of the night talking and rebuilding a bridge of friendship that may have
been shaken a little but was still solidly anchored in its foundation.

>-<

**AN:** Sometimes, it requires a step back in order to move forward.

A lot of people seem to be worried about Hermione's out-of-characterness in book 6. I was
too, but I've had some time to think about it. I like to think I'm a pretty rational person
myself, but I had a crush on a girl, a close friend of mine, in high school that made me act like
an absolute idiot for a long period of time. After awhile, I realized that I hated acting and
feeling so irrational and thinking that maybe if I was different, she would like me back. I was
around Hermione's age, which goes to show that emotional stuntedness sometimes goes along with
intellect.

I'm not too worried that we won't see the old Hermione again. We all have our lapses
from time to time. And remember, Harry was a prat his fifth year and now he's not yelling in
capital letters anymore. Startling, drastic character changes seem rather routine in JKR's
world. And Hermione did seem much more like herself at the end of the book. Hope only gets stronger
in the face of adversity, not weaker, or else there would be no point to it.

And one more thing to think about. JKR wrote Harry and Hermione rather well in OOTP, and she
wrote Ron and Hermione and Harry and Ginny rather badly in HBP. What can we infer from this?

P.S. I wrote this in a span of three hours, which is the fastest I have ever written a story.
Please forgive my errors.

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2. Afterword
------------



Author's Notes 7/21/2005 - Post JKR Interview for HBP

I must admit that I am extremely disappointed in J.K. Rowling. It's not that she's
officially made it clear that the final pairing won't be Harry/Hermione though I think
she's missing a great opportunity to show what true love and friendship is all about, but
it's that she's so clearly condescending in the MuggleNet interview about the H/Hr
fans.

I don't like the implication that she's laughing at us. She's the one who fanned the
shipping wars, and I'd like to think she'd have more respect for such committed people even
if we're supporting a non-canon pairing. I have found Pumpkin Piers to be some of the most
educated and articulate people I have ever known. The essays and theories on this site have
stretched my imagination and knowledge in ways that would never have happened otherwise.

I still respect the author for her great knowledge of mythology and admire her world-making
skills, but I deplore that she seems to lack a deep knowledge of human relationships. Or perhaps
I'm just sad that in the end, despite all her wisdom, she's just like everyone else when it
comes to seeing love through a Hollywood lense.

So perhaps I'm `militant' and `need to read more closely' though I submit that we at
least had to work to justify our belief, but I don't really and have never cared what the
official pairing was. I will support Harry/Hermione just as I have always supported Buffy/Angel
from Btvs, Clark and Chloe from Smallville, and unconventional couplings from other shows that I
have always just found more satisfying than the official ones.

We didn't make up the signs. We may have interpreted them differently than others, but they
were always there and they still are. OOTP is still our bible even if it's only for H/Hr
friendship, which is still lightyears ahead in maturity of a R/Hr romance.

Please remember that we still have Portkey and that sometimes, the readers can see more than the
author herself. I hope to see you here.

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